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Forgiveness is a lesson we never fully learn, even though we try to teach it to our children.  It smooths over the rough spots and enables us to move forward.  Grace is the grease that keeps marriages running.  Maybe as we have trekked through this series these last four weeks you have thought, “It would be nice to start over.”  Today is the day you can.

Everyone has been disappointed in their past.

1. There is not a person here who has not been disappointed by someone, there is not a married couple here who have not been let down by their spouse.  We all have causes of frustration
2. We could compare stories of disappointment but if anyone deserved to be upset with anyone it was Joseph.  How many people can say that their brothers kidnapped them, sold them into slavery, and left them for dead.  Then when things were about to get better they lied to them.
3. We all have pasts; there isn’t a single one of us who haven’t been hurt in the past by someone.  And like Joseph we all come to a point in life where we have two choices: 1) where either we can forgive or 2) not forgive and hold a grudge.
4. In Genesis 50:15-21 we have Joseph facing the same choice, he chooses to forgive.

Obtaining a proper perspective allow us to be released from the past.

1. We must understand who we are.
   1. What they had done to him was to act like God, determining what his life was to be like.  Shouldn’t Joseph be able to exact punishment on them, not anymore than what they had done?  Just to even out the score.
   2. That’s what holding a grudge is about, it’s about evening out the score.  Making things even, getting even.  It’s having a skewed perspective and then evening things out.  It would be like wearing glasses on that make everything backwards and then reordering the world.  It would be true chaos.
   3. Joseph knew the truth of what Paul would say later, Romans 12:19, “Revenge is mine says the Lord.”  In proper perspective we see that the world is not centered around us, it’s centered around God.  Meaning things that happen to us don’t end the world, they simply spice it up.
   4. Too many married couples are carrying around grudges, too many homes have a scoreboard up in their bedrooms where according to whoever is keeping score they’re winning.  But if you’re keeping score – you’re losing!
2. We must understand who others are.
   1. Joseph didn’t expect anything from his brothers.  An author made this observation about this, “The brothers had mistrusted his motives after so many years of enjoying what he provided.  They understood neither his love, nor his faith in God.  This broke his heart.”
   2. Joseph in his statement understands that they meant him harm and currently understands that their relationship might always be strained.  But knowing this leads him to expect less.
   3. We too need to understand who in our lives are going to disappoint us.  We need to realize that they aren’t going to come through.  This does not mean we are bitter, or upset, or don’t forgive them, it simply means we make our expectations more realistic.
3. We must understand who God is.
   1. Joseph knew in hindsight that God sent him there to save the world, but I’m sure that going through those experiences he thought God had sent him to a living hell.
   2. Having experienced this Joseph could testify to the message of Romans 8:28, “God works all things together for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose.”
   3. Bryan Chapell writes in, “Why He Just Takes It” from Men of Integrity Magazine (September/October 2001)  “Friends of ours grew up in the church and have a fine house, sweet kids, and good jobs. But the wife has an emotional/mental problem. She periodically steals from her own family and gambles the money away.  She’s been to counselors, doctors, and pastors, but nothing helps permanently. Imagine your own wife stealing from you, pawning objects of value, withdrawing money from bank accounts intentionally (but not infallibly) denied her, and lying about it for months.  Every time she’s stolen from her husband and ruined his future, he’s forgiven her and taken her back. Even when she gave up on her own life and tried to kill herself, he refused to give up on her.  I asked this husband once why he didn’t end this marriage, in spite of pressure from many friends and family to do so. His words were courageous and simple: “She is a good mother most of the time, and my children need her. But more than that, they need to know the love of their God. How can they know of a Father in heaven who forgives them if their own father won’t forgive their own mother?”

Forgiveness should come quickly, trust requires time.

1. Notice even this godly man is denying his wife his credit card or access to their bank account.  Why?  Because while he forgives her he doesn’t trust her.
2. In the movie we saw that Catherine was slow to forgive and even slower to trust.  What was the catalyst?  A major sacrifice that proved his trustworthiness.
3. Frequently people too quickly run back into destructive relationships or they deal with things when they are not prepared to and say things that they regret
4. You see Joseph’s realized (and we’ll see this through the story) that there’s three areas essential to a healthy relationship: safety (which his brothers have not shown themselves to be, what with selling him into slavery and all); honesty (well they don’t score to high on this one either beings as how they lied to Jacob about Joseph dying); and commitment (they aren’t committed to those that they care for.
5. Joseph’s story here shows very clearly that forgiveness and trust do not have to go hand in hand.  Yes, trust is the goal for every broken relationship and it is what should be desired; but it doesn’t come as quickly as does forgiveness.  Trust takes time, forgiveness comes from God.

In the Original Testament if you killed someone the family of the slain would designate an “avenger of blood” from among them. This avenger of blood would have the responsibility of finding the murderer and killing them – sometimes without a trial. This was the way the law worked. It was important to that family that you succeed and kill the slayer – if you didn’t shame, weakness and dishonor would be on your family.

In Numbers, Deuteronomy and Joshua – God provided inside of the Israelite legal system a place where people who committed manslaughter without malice could find safety. These places were called cities of refuge; they belonged to the priests of Israel and were completely safe for those guilty of accidental manslaughter. They were to be close to everyone, Moses commanded the distance be measured so that no one in Israel would live too far from being able to run to refuge. In Joshua they become a reality as Joshua designates six cities of refuge. (Joshua 20:1-9; Numbers 35:9-28; Deuteronomy 19:1-13)

“Our church should be a city of refuge…”

1. A place where anyone is welcome

a. On our doors we have the slogan, “A place where you belong…” is that really the case. I believe that Billy Graham was right and Martin Luther King Jr. was right when they both stated that 11am on Sunday morning is the most segregated hour in America. While the church has made strides toward repairing this – we’re still not past it.

b. It’s not just race, it’s social standing, economic class, education, anything that we use to separate an “us” from a “them” cannot have a place in the church.

c. God has always dreamed of his people being united, Abraham was blessed to be a blessing to the nations.

d. Even the dream and dedication of the temple realized that in part it was for the foreigner – 1 Kings 8:41-43. Solomon’s prayer says this, “Run here for refuge.”

e. Paul talks about this in Ephesians 2:17-19. What he’s really saying, is “Run here for refuge.”

2. A place where anyone is protected

a. The protection was taken serious by the Israelites. Verse five states, “And if the avenger of blood is in pursuit, they shall not give up the slayer, because the neighbor was killed by mistake.” Why? Because “the neighbor was killed by mistake!”They didn’t mean to, it was an accident, they did not know what they were doing!

b. That’s the main difference between the church and the city of refuge. For we are all guilty – Romans 3:9-10. We are all guilty of sin!

c. Christ is the one whom we murdered by our sin – and whom we run to for refuge. Luke 23:34, Christ prays, “Forgive them for they know not what they do.” He’s saying, “I was killed by mistake, they didn’t mean to, it was an accident , they didn’t know what they were doing.” And in this prayer you can almost hear Christ whispering, “Run to me for refuge.”

d. And we see this is the case in Hebrews 6:18-19. We flee to Christ for refuge.

3. A place where anyone can receive grace.

a. Cities of refuge were pretty accepting places – only priests and the guilty lived there.

b. The priests in the city of refuge would hold the accused until the death of the high priest.

c. Why? The high priest’s death was the blood that covered over the offense of murder. See Exodus 28:38 for the priest absorbing guilt.

d. We know from Hebrews that we have a high priest who has destroyed our guilt. Christ has absorbed our guilt – giving us grace. Christ our victim, our forgiveness, our refuge, our high priest whose death has covered our sin.

1. Purgatory – Guilt is our attempt to pay for the wrong we did by feeling bad for it. (1-4)

• Purgatory states that there are some sins which we must go through purgation for, because Christ did not pay for all my sins.
• This is my problem with the doctrine of purgatory: if Christ didn’t pay for all of my sins and bridge the infinite gap between God and us then there still is an infinite gap between us, because one step from the infinite is an infinite step.
• While we may not have the doctrine of purgatory in evangelical Christendom, we have guilt. Somewhere subconsciously we believe that if we feel guilty enough, if we say we’re sorry enough then we earn forgiveness.

2. Penance – Guilt is our attempt to ensure that we’re still spiritual by feeling guilty, when it’s a faulty license to sin. (5-8)

• You think, because you feel guilty everything’s alright in the midst of sin and that somehow you’re connected to God because you feel guilty.
• Guilt draws you back to the old but you are transformed for newness. It reminds you of the old ways and in your defeated state you succumb to sin.
• Romans tells us that we can not have the flesh and the spirit co-exist. There is a struggle yes, but guilt confuses us into thinking that so long as we feel bad we must be doing something right.

3. Prevention – Guilt is our attempt to avoid the wrong we did in the past we did by missing out on the future. (9-11)

• Christ died not only to set us free from sin, not only from death, but the fear of death. That’s exactly what guilt is, a fear that we aren’t enough. Hebrews 2:15, “And free those who all their lives were held in slavery by the fear of death.”
• Guilt convinces you that you’re dead but you are alive in Christ. The same spirit that brought Christ back from three days dead is making you alive every moment.

4. Problem – Guilt is our attempt and that’s what got us here! (12-17)

“So don’t you see that we don’t owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent. There’s nothing in it for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God’s Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go! This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?” God’s Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what’s coming to us-an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we’re certainly going to go through the good times with him! ”

- Romans 8:12-14, The Message

Sunday we’ll be discussing guilt, the excess baggage that too many believers carry around after their forgivness.  Being guilty is something that all people share in common – it’s a universal truth that sin has placed upon humanity.  Conviction is the Holy Spirit and a person’s spirit working together toward repentance – it’s the awareness of sin.  Carrying guilt after forgiveness is an unecssary and taxing condition that plague many believers – it’s a curse.  As you prepare yourself for Sunday I would encourage you to prayerfully examine your life.  Ask that God would reveal to you any sin that needs forgiveness and any guilt that needs “forgotness.”  We’ll examine our guilt and the reasons we keep it around Sunday, as we study Romans 8:1-15.  As you examine yourself, hold up your life to the light of truth in this passage and see what God reveals.  See you Sunday!