What relevance does a close to 2,000 year old book have for our sexual expression today? All that’s in this book is “Don’t,” “Don’t commit adultery,” “Don’t have sex before marriage,” and just to be safe, “Don’t have sex at all.” If that last one isn’t in there, it should be.
Why would God give us such a strong sexual desire and then give so many restrictions? Consider the words of 1 Corinthians 7:36, “36 If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his fiancé, if his passions are strong, and so it has to be, let him marry as he wishes; it is no sin. Let them marry.”
I want to give you a new perspective on this, God is not restricting this desire he is telling us how to derive as much pleasure from it as possible! Believe it or not, modern sociology backs this up! USA Today in the last few years and Rolling Stone magazine in 1998 both revealed studies that discovered the most sexually satisfied people in America where those in monogamous marriages.
Marriage was created to be a blessing and it is this commandment that seeks to protect it.
In preparation for today’s sermon I thought it would be helpful to pass on some great resources dedicated to preserving purity on the internet. Pornography is a great problem and serious threat to people and marriages. Many of those reasons are included in today’s sermon (to be posted later) but for a great summary article see: “Why Is Pornography Addiction Such A Problem?” on RBC’s website by clicking here. Some of the resources are better than others, but something is definitely better than nothing. With that in mind the bear minimum protection that can be recommended is the X3 Watch from XXXChurch.com. This software monitors all internet use and reports to one or two accountability partners any questionable material that has been viewed.
If you need more than monitoring and this is especially important for families with kids then the most recommended software is SafeEyes from InternetSafety.com. This website also has hardware options suitable for businesses. SafeEyes is great for families and the annual subscription covers three computers for the family at no additional charge.
There are other resources available and ministries dedicated to helping. If you need more assistance I would encourage you to look at the help available through PureLife Ministries. This ministry has everything from a residential treatment program here in Kentucky to a study at home course. They also have a program for marriages in need of restoration who have been damaged due to pornography and sexual infidelity.
Today by way of review I want to look at the previous three legs of our marriage and then look to the fourth. The fourth leg of empowerment is really made up of intentional service between spouses. It is a lifestyle that takes into account the previous three and helps us to gain strength for the future from…
Applying grace to the past
Does forgiveness end? No! Peter asked the same question and Jesus told him, not seven times but seventy-seven times! (Matthew 18:21-22)
You will never need to stop forgiving. Forgiveness is a daily task in marriages.
Keep Paul’s words central, “Do not let the sun go down on your anger!” (Ephesians 4:26) Keep short accounts, wake-up debt free with your spouse.
Remaining united in covenantal love
Proverbs 25:24 – corner of the roof than a contentious wife. A divided house feels like that. Don’t allow division to sneak into your marriage. Remember you’re on the same team, don’t allow anyone or anything to come in and divide your allegiance.
Remember your vows and the value of your covenant – even when you have a hard time remembering the value of your spouse.
Growing in intimacy
Dare to trust, dare to disclose, dare to learn about your spouse.
Deuteronomy 24:5 – Take the time to get it right. I think the principle of the Sabbath and the principle of this verse are models for what we must do throughout our marriages.
Old advice for ministers is good for marriages: 1) divert daily – take time together; 2) retreat monthly – take a date, or a day; 3) abandon yearly – family vacation, couple’s weekend away
If we hold on to these and continue to practice covenantal love, forgiveness and intimacy then we can easily grasp the final foundation of mutual empowerment. I want to look at Proverbs 31, a passage traditionally used on mother’s day to celebrate a virtuous wife and mother, in order to see a snapshot of a healthy marriage. I’m having a hard time imagining that the virtuous wife of Proverbs 31 married a couch potato; rather I think they’re a complimentary pair.
Keys to developing a lifestyle of mutual empowerment…
There are seven principles contained here, as we go through them I want you maybe off to the side rate yourself and how you think you’re doing. When we’re done I want you to pick one to work on through the week.
Build Trust Through Shared Decisions and Dreams (Proverbs 31:10-12)
Notice the independence of the wife here, which is seemingly out of place in this patriarchal culture.
But, I think we see a principle here that I’ve had passed on to me for making decisions in marriage. Come to a mutual decision, if not possible let whoever it matters most to decide, if still not possible then spend time in prayer, if still not possible then the husband as the head retains the right to decide.
Shared decisions especially decisions about the future, we call them goals, grows a family into a unit. If you haven’t written down family goals together then do it, include personal goals, professional goals, couple goals and family goals.
Work willingly (Proverbs 31:13-19)
We must be committed to serving. Excelling in our own gifts for our shared future.
Mark 10:42-45 is great advice and the best place to practice it is in your marriage. Make it your daily mission and delight to out serve your spouse.
Be Generous (Proverbs 31:20-22)
We must learn to be generous with the poor (Proverbs 31:20) and with each other (Proverbs 31:21-22).
A couple that serves together realizes their shared blessings together. You can get so caught up in the daily struggles that soon you forget your great blessings. Taking time to serve not only models Christ but teaches you about your blessings.
Guard your reputations (Proverbs 31:23-25)
When you get married you share a name and Proverbs 22:1 tells us that a “good name” is worth more than great wealth. Your name is your shared asset, protect it!
Don’t cut your spouse down! Let your spouse’s name be praised and may you be the first one to praise them! If you’ve got problems with your spouse, talk to them first. Don’t talk about them – talk with them. Matthew 18:10-25 should be applied first at home!
Some of you have already thrashed your husband or your wife. Let me tell you how to repair it, start praising them in front of those you use to trash them in front of and keep it up. It will take time but you can do it.
Learn and grow together (Proverbs 31:26)
Learn new things together, participate in a BFC or small group together, take dancing classes together, audit a college course. Shared learning and discovery promotes growth.
Read, watch the Discovery Channel, learn. Don’t stagnate personally grow both as a person and as a couple.
Put your family first (Proverbs 31:27-29)
Value the needs of your household above your own.
We need the commitment of Ruth (Ruth 1:6-18). For her mother-in-law Ruth says, “Your people will be my people and your God will be my God!”
We must unite family to family and faith to faith. Interfaith marriages are tough, if you’re single – don’t think that God was confused when he said, “Don’t be unequally yoked.” It makes a difference!
Value the important (Proverbs 31:29-31)
Praise your spouse and let them share in your success as in verse 31.
Don’t be stingy with praise! Why withhold your delight in your spouse? Let them know you are their biggest fan.
For a little reminder about what “not to do” watch the “Don’t Song” which we showed Sunday…
